(Approximately) 50 First Dates: A Number of Fun Ideas For The Inexperienced Dater Who Is About To Go On A Date With Someone For The First Time and Has No Idea What To Do
Dating can be hard. How hard? Imagine trying to do a math problem. Ok, now multiply that by a hundred to the 48th power divided by -87.9. Hard enough for ya? We thought so!
The only thing harder than dating (or math) is FIRST-dating. They say it’s never too late to make a first impression, so you gotta make it count, and fast! Here are some sexy, romantic, adventurous ideas to make YOUR first date the first date of many dates to come!
50.) Make your own scavenger hunt! Instead of showing up to the place you’re supposed to meet, leave an envelope with a cryptic clue inside which will lead your date to another location where he or she will find another mysterious envelope! Have him or her go all over town following these crazy, curious directions until they eventually bring the person to your house or apartment where you are lying in wait. If they’re clever enough, that is!
49.) Pretend to be undercover cops! Go out and try to buy some narcotics (any kind, but be sure to buy a lot) on the street! Once the transaction has been made, pull out fake badges and “bust” the dealers!
48.) Take a tour of a local hospital!
47.) Before the date, drive your car until it’s just about out of gas. Pick up your date and take him or her out onto an interstate and drive until completely out of gas. As we all know from a million movies and TV episodes, such “stranded” situations are ideal for sparking romance! Add in a snow blizzard and get ready to snuggle!
46.) Smoking contest! See who can smoke the most cigarettes in the least amount of time! No cheating!
45.) The Jetsetter Special! Take your date to the airport for dinner! In addition to the many fine restaurants on offer in America’s major airports, the sound of arriving and departing aircraft lend an air of drama and excitement to your dining experience!
44.) Take a tour of a local rendering plant! Smells like romance!
43.) Who’s Taller? Bring a tape measure and find out each of your heights (in inches or whatever)! Whoever’s shorter pays for dinner!
42.) “Liveblog” your date! If you have a Blueberry or applejackphone or whatever, make constant updates via blog or twitterblog so you and your date can later re-live every moment on the worldwide web! Spelling counts! Just kiding!
41.) Get “married!” If you live in, near, or within two flights of Las Vegas, that charming city offers many establishments for fake “marriages” where you can have your own little wedding in a little chapel with an actual priest-like person, all without the hassle of getting to know one another or family members! Most likely, these marriages are not legally binding, but they certainly are a hoot!
40.) Attend a Klan meeting just to see what goes on at those crazy things! Nobody will know you and your date aren’t actual racists because they all wear those cool outfits that hide their (and your!) faces! (not recommended if you or your date is non-white, though that could be interesting too.)
39.) Go to “Hollywood!” A great way to get a night of entertainment at absolutely no charge is to visit your local videotape rental store (Hollywood or Blockbuster work best), because they often play movies on wall-mounted TV screens! Snacks and sodas are usually available on site, so grab some refreshments, stand there, and enjoy the show!
38.) Meet the parents! Just like in the hit movie, a sure path to laughter and heartwarming warmth is a visit to ol’ Mom ‘n’ Pop! Take your date to visit your parents and let the funny-sparks fly!
37.) James Bond movie marathon!
36.) Go to a seance! Find out if your date has any dead relatives and try to contact them via a medium—just like they do on TV!
35.) Wacky slumber party! Find the nuttiest place you can (under a bridge, subway station, sewer grate outside a liquor store, dump, etc.), and go to sleep there!
34.) Go used car shopping!
33.) Pretend to be vampires! What with all the new dracula (vlad the dracu) movies coming out, vampires are bigger than ever! All you need is some makeup (to give yourselves that sexy bloodsuckers’ pallor), fake fangs, and two black capes that are red on the inside. You’ll be all set to run around town biting people! Then hop in a coffin and watch the sparks fly! If you already happen to be a vampire, you can pretend to be Asian!
32.) Take country line-dancing lessons at your local prison!
31.) Attend a city council meeting! If there isn’t a meeting on the night of your date, postpone it until there is one!
30.) Have a gum-chewing contest! See who can chew the same piece of gum for the longest!
29.) Surf’s up! Most libraries have computers with internet access! You and your date can “surf the ‘net” for free all night or until the library closes!
28.) Attend an AA meeting just to see what goes on at those crazy things! Nobody will know you and your date aren’t actual alcoholics because most of the other attendees will likely be too drunk to realize anything! (not recommended if you or your date is non-white.)
27.) Impression-off! Everybody loves celebrity impersonations! Challenge your date to see who can do the better impression of such famed famous celebrities as Jack Nicholson, Nathan Lane, Sarah Jessica Parker, Danny Trejo, Lindy Infante, Madeleine Stowe, Ted Turner, Mario Van Peebles, Rex Reed, Phil Donahue, Ted Baxter, Jason Mraz, Paula Poundstone, Cal Ripken, Sr., Thurgood Marshall, Lance Henriksen, Patrick Warburton, Terry Bradshaw, or Ronald Reagan!
26.) Visit a local “puppy mill!”
25.) Make your own clothes! At the beginning of your evening, take off all your clothing and throw it in a dumpster! Then you and your date can spend the rest of the night piecing together new outfits out of items you find in the street! Is that a pizza box? Score!
24.) Pretend to shoplift! Go to your favorite boutique or department store and wander around, stuffing as many things in your pants and jackets as you can! After you’ve slyly made it out the door, having paid for nothing, either throw all the stuff back into the store, or leave it in a neat pile right outside!
23.) Try boxing each other! No boxing ring required—just do it on the street! And if you don’t have boxing gloves, simply wrap your hands in paper towels or cellophane and start jabbin’, bobbin’, & weavin’! And jabbin’!
22.) Go on an old-fashioned whaling expedition!
21.) Visit Jim Morrison’s grave!
20.) Go on a tour of the local post office!
19.) Give each other wacky haircuts!
18.) Go to a KISS concert! If there isn’t a KISS concert on the night you have planned, postpone the date until they come back to town!
17.) Play truth or dare! This is a great way to get to know your date and find out what he or she is willing to do just because you asked (dared) him/her to!
16.) Make your own cotton candy! Why go to Coney Island when all you need is some sugar, cotton, wrapping paper, glue, amyl nitrate, candy, fresh milk, and a gas-powered generator!
10.) Break into a museum!
14.) Analyze each other’s dreams! Find a cozy place (your car, an empty tavern, a sewer grate outside of a liquor store) and take turns going to sleep. When you wake up, tell each other your dreams and see if you can figure out what they mean!
13.) Take a tour of a local police station!
12.) Have a fun-filled moving day! If you’re not moving to a new house when your date is scheduled, postpone until the next time you move!
11.) Pretend to have silly accents! At the start of the evening, you and your date each pick a hilarious accent you’ll use for the rest of the night (Mexican and “Surfer dude” are the funniest)!
10.) The History Channel!
9.) Watch a total lunar eclipse! If there isn’t a lunar eclipse on the night you have scheduled, you can fool your date with a piece of black construction paper! Otherwise, postpone.
8.) See how many raccoons you and your date can capture! If you want to spice it up, make it a contest to see who can capture more raccoons!
7.) Count to a million together!
6.) Make it a “double-date!” Bring along two life-size dummies, one male and one female, and tell your date they are friends of yours who wanted to tag along! Don’t forget to order them food and drinks!
5.) Steal a horse-driven carriage!
4.) Painting party! Paint a stranger’s house a new and wacky color. Periwinkle? Why not!
3.) Pissing contest! (warning: could lead to kissing contest!)
2.) Take your date to a local museum, decide between the two of you your least favorite painting, then slash it with a knife and get ready to run!
1.) The choking game! Strangle one another until you almost pass out, but not quite. In no time your date will literally be putty in your hands!
Tune in next week for our feature on Great Places to Propose Marriage! (Hint: most of them are in outer space!)
