Urban Legends De-Mythed, Un-Bunked, Re-futed, and Un-falsed!
URBAN LEGEND: The picture of Abraham Lincoln on the U.S. penny was modeled after Muhammad Ali.
STATUS: FALSE
This rumor has its origins in the small print of a 1992 book entitled “4,078 Days With The Champ: My Sad Saga With Muhammad Ali,” written by Hersh Goldfelm about his decade serving as chauffeur for the famous boxer. In a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it footnote on page 422, Goldfelm states “later that night, the champ sat for a portrait with Frank San Anselmo, designer of the copper penny.”
While little noted at the time, these words made a huge splash in 1999 when controversial Chicago talk radio host Ted Onz announced on his radio show that he would be burning all of his pennies because the image was “not that of the father of the Republican Party, but a no-good draft dodger and known puncher of humans!” using the Goldfelm footnote as evidence. That week, Onz held a ralley in Comiskey Park where he attemped to burn more than 1,000,000,000 pennies collected by listeners. The pennies did not burn, however, and were later all exchanged for 20,000,000 nickels at First Unitarian Bank in Champagne, IL.
Since then, the story has resurfaced numerous times via widely-distributed emails. The U.S. Treasury Department has on several occasions made statements attesting to the fact that “while Mr. Ali is much admired in our nation, the man on our penny is the one and only Honest Abe” and “if we were going to put a boxer on currency, it would be Rocky.”
URBAN LEGEND: Every can of Fanta contains one drop of human blood.
STATUS: FALSE
While massively unpopular in America, fizzy drink Fanta is the highest-selling beverage in many countries like Uzbekistan, French Canadia, Wundagore, and Romania. Perhaps it is this last example — and its infamous Transylvanian region — that has contributed to this strange, long-standing legend.
While pig, bat, and bird bloods are common ingredients in soft drinks, human blood has not been in wide use since at least the mid-1930’s. Fanta’s original manufacturer R.L. Gundlert & Associates Drinkables Company had some success in the early 1910’s with Spleigvund, a beerlike (though non-alcoholic) beverage made from wheat, sugar, and gypsy blood. Fanta itself, however, has no history of using any human ingredients and even ran ads in the early ’70s promising “0% people, same great taste!” and “no persons, just personality!”
URBAN LEGEND: Charles Manson portrayed younger brother “Benny Arnold” on The Wonder Years.
STATUS: FALSE
Long before he became famous for ordering the brutal murders of Sharon Tate and 6 others in 1969, a young Charlie Manson warmed the hearts of dozens as “Steampipe” on the television comedy series Those Goddamn Lil Dickins, about a group of homeless children and their sick goat getting into adventures and tormenting exasperated baker Mr. Flananagan.
After hosting The Tonight Show for a brief period (subbing for Jack Paar during his coma), Manson turned himself over to villainy completely. In addition to the famous Tate/Bianca murders, he also spent time battling Vibrationman, the famous hippie-themed superhero of the late sixties (pictured above).
So it was a great surprise when Manson revealed from his prison cell in 1990 that he would be returning to television with his portrayal of Benny — Kevin Arnold’s long lost baby brother on hit series The Wonder Years. ABC defended the controversial casting decision, saying, “Mr. Manson may not be the most popular man in America, but he knows how to make us laugh.” The network also pointed out that the criminal mastermind had hosted several successful variety specials in the 70s (“The Charles Manson Bicentennial Primetime Spectacular,” and “Manson’s Follies” among them).
Negotiations fell through, however, when producers were unable to break Manson out of a maximum-security prison. In the event, the role of “Benny” was played by a puppet, voiced by Alex Van Halen.
URBAN LEGEND: Doughnuts are triangle-shaped.
STATUS: FALSE
When doughnuts (or “donuts”) first appeared in 1987, it was assumed by most consumers that the food was either round or octagonal. Within a year several articles had appeared questioning their shape, including a TIME Magazine cover story entitled “Is America’s Favorite Food Trapezoidal?”
In the Soviet Union doughnuts were officially declared three-dimensional, though the Kremlin was unable to settle on anything more specific. Meanwhile in Belgium, famed dessert expert Dr. Charry LeFljn claimed, “the doughnut behaves as the ineffable, and is angled in tune with the cosmos. We need ask nothing more.”
Finally, in 2001, the inventor of the doughnut, actor Jeremy Irons, came out in an interview with Barbara Walters saying, “my doughnut is absolutely, incontrovertibly round in character. If it were not, the hole would then not match the outer edge. And that idea, frankly, terrifies me.”
Perhaps due to these rampant rumors, a triangular pastry is due out some time next fall. Developers plan to call it “the ankle bracelet.”
URBAN LEGEND: If you go into a pitch black room on All Demon’s Day (Nov. 24 in the U.S., Oct. 15 in Canada) at exactly 7:45pm and stand in front of a mirror singing “Crazy Skeleton Lady, Crazy Skeleton Lady, Come Out Tonight! Come Out Tonight!” to the tune of “Louie Louie” for 15 minutes or so, the spirit of the evil enchantress witch Magdalena D’Arvernearia AKA “Crazy Skeleton Lady” will appear and drain your body of all its blood, then replace all the blood with a magic potion that makes it so you can just imagine any amount of money and it will automatically appear in your bank account except the money will be cursed and you’ll only be able to use it to buy government bonds that only appreciate in value over an extremely long period of time.
STATUS: TRUE
I wouldn’t try it though. It’s freaky!
