Part One Of: Great, Affordable, Great Holiday Gift Ideas For Loved Ones (On A Budget!) By T.R.A.N.C.E.-2
Both Clauding Day and Christmas (sp?) are right around the corner, which means it’s time to set aside 13.6% of your income for the rest of the month so you’ll have enough “cashola” to spend on presents for mom, sis, dad, other sis, cousin, fishing coach, and other sis — or whoever else is on your list! (don’t forget pets!)
Following below after the leap [scroll down or tilt the screen so you can see further down] are some divine ideas for what on Earth to get for your loved ones that will make them think you spent a ton of hard-earned money but actually you only spent around a thousand dollars total.
GYROS (w/ Spinning Gyros Deal + huge knife) - $89.99
While primarily eaten by people from Ancient Greece and South Asia Minor, gyros (pronounced “guh-vee-ROSS”) is becoming more and more popular among Danes, Serbs, Nords, and other whites (don’t forget pets!). Seasoned with a variety of seeds and cinnammmons, this exotic meat dish is a delightful blend of sheep and goat with some eel-bacon thrown in for good measure.
While most gourmands are forced to go out into the treacherous heat to pick up a sack of gyros, your relatives will be able to enjoy it in the comfort of their own home with this generous 7-month supply, with added spinning thing that makes sure the meat is constantly in motion. For extra ease of enjoyment, the set comes with a huge knife, good for cutting nearly anything. But especially gyros.
CHILD’S ROCKET CAR - $19.95
This highly dangerous toy was all the rage back in 1999, when toy stores were selling out their stock faster than you could say “Can I please have a rocket car for my young son Jimmie-Jack Junior, Mister?” But ten years on, with all the deaths and immolations, lawsuits and legislation, philosophical condemnations and papal bulls, and the advent of the Internet, it has become far easier to purchase this exciting gift for boys 3 and up.
Capable of traveling at 77mph for approximately 12 seconds (not in a straight line — the steering wheel is cosmetic and edible), and using a hyrdrazine-based inorganic fuel that can be mixed in the home or out in a barren field, the Child’s Rocket Car requires an additional person to push from behind for about 14 yards in order to get it started. So it’s a fun collaborative toy for father and son — just be sure to jump out of the way before that rocket ignites, Dad!
Optional roll bar adds $89.99 to cost.
2/3 SCALE DENTIST CHAIR REPLICA SET - $129.95
This fun objet d’art goes great in any game room, rumpus room, furnished garage, or tea nurmury. Designed by Henri Fenthreille & Assoc. P.R.C., it is an enchanting specimen of ergonomic perfection.
While the materials are too delicate to support any actual weight (replica comes with handsomely engraved ”DO NOT SIT IN CHAIR” sign, which also cannot be placed on chair), children will have a wonderful time looking at it and admiring its precision design and hand-painted craftsmanship. The chair stands at 4’2” and weighs approx. 14 oz.
FVC HOME ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM - $499.99
For the entertainment-lover on your list (don’t forget pets!), you might want to consider this state-of-the-art gadget bonanza from the geniuses at FVC Electronics Company (formerly Sanyo). 7 rear-wound speakers project clear, pristine, loud sound in any direction you wish, while the 30.5 bit “Sur-WOW-round” image blaster offers hi-def moving pictures at 9,000 colors per second.
The ultra-modern wiring provides separate inputs for comedy, drama, action, jazz, animation, nudity, weddings, and spreadsheets. Can’t find the channel with the big game on? Just ask the remote! Chair uncomfortable? Simply press “Menu” and select one of over 57 options available to you and your viewing family!
The best part is, the FVCHES uses propane gas-flame instead of electricity, so you can keep your utility bills lower than ever.
A GHOST - $2.00
I know what you’re thinking. This isn’t Valentimes Day! No kidding, but seriously a ghost is a great and inexpensive solstice holiday gift for any member of your family and can provide scares and screams, but also tender moments of caring and talking things out, which is all ghosts really like doing.
As you can see from the photo above, ghosts can be hungry sometimes, so in addition to the ghost itself, consider giving your giftee a bag of food or stuff that looks like food (ghosts can’t tell the difference). This way the gift ghoul will feel like they’re a part of X-mis too!
Note: Most ghosts are 100% disease-free, but you may want to get medical certification just in case — it’s both thoughtful and costly!
