Our Favorite Dennis Miller Jokes
“When I brought home the poodle, my girlfriend started screaming louder than Tammy Faye Baker at a Kentucky Colonels performance of ‘Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina’ during the Jerry Lewis telethon.”
“They looked like Donnie and Marie sharing snack cakes with Anwar Sadat on the set of ‘Now, Voyager’ on Flag Day.”
“Trains are fine I guess but you’d think they were turning passengers into gold-plated chicken fried rice encyclopedias on the way to Jerry Lee Lewis’s suite at Alcatraz.”
“He smelled like Connie Francis after an acid bath on the forest moon of Endor with a side salad and Red Foxx’s Gary Busey impression.”
“I’d smack him faster than Beetle Bailey on a coke jag wearing Tip O’Neil’s dickie strapped to a Ford Fairlane with leopard print spandex suspenders.”
“That woman eats more than Rob Lowe’s chauffeur on his way to Subway to pick up birthday presents for Nel Carter’s bathing suit in the Philippines.”
“Have you seen this World Series of Poker? It’s like an egg timer got loose at a Public Enemy concert where Umberto Eco is the opening act.”
“The American legal system has more holes in it than a Rudy Valentino poster in a prison yard with Larry Flynt’s rolodex at the Jerry Lewis telethon.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I love cake. It’s just that when Congress starts telling me where to keep my Pearl Buck commemorative napkin set I know something’s wrong with this country.”
“That’s the thing about the French, you know? They surrender like Melvin Van Peebles during a midnight showing of ‘The Seventh Seal’ in Talahassee in leopard print spandex suspenders.”
“So I read something in the news today. They say the sun’s going to explode sooner than Gary Busey’s taillights at a Radio Shack Christmas party in San Bernardino with Loggins and Messina on eight track cassette.”
“Enough with the gourmet cheese obsession people. It’s like everybody went to see the same Imamura film marathon and then immediately drove to Petco because they heard they were having a methadone sale.”
“Hey folks, let’s stop it with the microwaves, ok?”
“The democrats want to raise taxes. Last time I checked, this country was going faster than Jerry Van Dyke’s drool cup in a Marcel Proust adaptation starring the Yancy Street Irregulars and Bishop Desmond Tutu.”
“Michael Jackson was on TV last night. General Burnside, Daisy Buchanan, Gary Busey, Jerry Lewis Telethon, Tito Puente, Carol Channing, the Ayatollah, Mexican food, Gary Busey.”
