“Your Screams Are Like A Fine Red Wine — OF KNIVES!” - Part Two of the Most Sensationally Sinister S.O.B.’s in Screen History!
Last week (or so) we began our epic countdown of the baddest baddies from movies, television, film, TV, and the screen (big AND small). You can check that out: HERE
Now, because you asked for it — nay, DEMANDED it! — here is the rest of our skin-crawling list of most villainous villains ever!
5. MOMNARG - KING KONG VS. MOMNARG, GODZILLA MEETS MOMNARG, SON OF MOMNARG’S DAD
Of all the giant monsters that have populated the various Godzilla movies over the years, perhaps none is so beloved/reviled as Momnarg, The Atomic Rooster. Unlike most of ol’ ‘Zilla’s skyscraping sparring partners, “Mom” isn’t from Japan but Ann Arbor, where he was spawned when a hydrogen bomb was detonated at a University of Michigan football game. Famous for his hatred of adorable children and insatiable appetite for national monuments, Momnarg is also a noted classical pianist, having studied at Julliard and the Hoch Conservatory in Frankfurt.
4. BENNY “HEADBANGER” LANGHORNE - WITH THIS RING I THEE MURDER Parts I - IX
While not strictly a villain, as he is revealed in the fifth installment to be the hero of this nine-film series, few have made audiences shiver quite like Benny Headbanger. Benny was a hard-rock loving teenager who was listening to his favorite band Slayheart one night when a tornado swept through his neighborhood. The swirling winds caused his record player to play backwards, which conjured an evil demon called Aiglogogodu the Black. The demon devoured Benny, along with all his t-shirts, before zipping back to hell. Benny’s ghost returned, however, with a mission to avenge himself by murdering all the teenagers in the small town of Limehope. Over the course of the next few movies, Benny Headbanger sliced and swallowed scores of kids, before eventually using his supernatural powers to defeat an evil land baron in With This Ring I Thee Murder V: Prime Real Estate.
3. CORNELIUS GEPHARDT - FALCON CREST
Forever plotting to ruin the glamorous Channing family, Cornelius fiendishly glowered his way through 12 seasons of do-baddery (three seasons longer than the show itself). Portrayed in the first year by Powers Booth, Corny set fire to the Menthol Hotel, strangled Laddie Cumson, hired a Meredith lookalike to drunkenly attack Jonah in the Sebring Inn, tied Kitty Hogan to a sinking yacht, made Dougie Beltway eat glass, made Laney Beltway eat peanut butter (her least favorite butter), beheaded Caleb, decapitated Sathington, guillotined Prentiss, decollated Randall, and chopped off Thurpton’s head with a thesaurus — and this was just in the pilot episode! In later seasons, Corny was played by such actors as Adam West, Manny Hagman (Larry’s brother), and Donald Pleasance, but none could match Booth’s original, iconic take on what TV Guide and the New Statesman both called the “ultimate handsome horror”
2. SKELETOR - MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE/HE-MAN/THE HE-MAN SHOW/HE-MAN AND HIS FRIENDS, THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE/HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: RACE FOR THE UNIVERSE/HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE RACE/HE-MAN’S MASTER RACE/THE SKELETOR VARIETY HOUR/HE-MAN AND SKELETOR’S WONDERFUL WORLD OF ANIMALS/SKELETOR/THE BOB SKELETOR SHOW/SKELETOR PRESENTS: AMERICA’S FAVORITE TALENTED KIDS/SKELETOR AFTER DARK/SKELETOR’D
Frankly, I don’t even like THINKING about Skeletor. Let’s just move on to number one on our countdown…
1. PUNKS - TONS OF MOVIES
Who else could top our list of loathsome louts? Let’s face it, Punks are responsible for most of the evil that gets done in movies. They’re mean, they dress weird, they listen to annoying music, they snatch purses, they give people the finger, and they have made life absolute heck for Charles Bronson on any number of occasions. More importantly, they’ve given filmmakers a great opportunity to avoid charges of racism by offering a mainly white stereotype to appear as muggers, rapists, and anarchic killers in any generic urban setting. Better yet, the “Punk Look” always seems vaguely futuristic/post-apocalyptic, so it looks like punks will continue to torment, stab, spray-paint, and humorously irritate us for decades to come!
(DIS!)HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Jabba the Hutt
Psycho
Meryl Streep
Hagar the Horrible
Christine (the car)
The Crypt-Keeper
Karen the Hutt
The Penguin (Burgess Meredith version)
Indians
Blair (the witch) (from the project)
Jaws (both the shark and Richard Kiel)
The Middle East
Ganon
